Greetings from the team at The Bell (and by extension, The SoundAsABell Initiative). I trust that this issue of your favorite mental health newsletter finds you in excellent health and spirits. If you are one of our new subscribers, we are absolutely thrilled to have you as a reader and be rest-assured that we are committed to keep using this medium to advocate for open conversations and better awareness and understanding of mental health issues.
In our last newsletter, you had the pleasure of hearing from the talented Victor Onasanya, one of the new voices in our community. As mentioned in our previous issue, consistency was a promise, and today, we uphold that promise. This newsletter, arriving right on schedule, signifies our renewed dedication to providing you with valuable insights into mental health on a regular basis.
Also, stay with us as we delve into the intriguing world of mental health once again. And speaking of intriguing, make sure to read all the way to the end of this newsletter where we have some significant news to share about upcoming events that promise to be a milestone in our journey.
I am particularly elated about this issue because it marks the end of my hiatus from writing the newsletter myself. Since the one on the stigma and stereotypes against persons with mental illnesses eight months ago, I have taken more of an editorial role and had the pleasure of being the first to read the amazing issues other volunteers have come up with. However, as much as I have loved that, I had a strong longing to share stories in the mental health space that had been top of mind with our amazing readers. As such, this is me doing just that. Enjoy!
Olufemi is a brilliant 200 level undergraduate who is very shy and comes off as withdrawn and frequently looks miserable. Those around him would always say he always seems to have negative emotions all the time. Despite his excellent academic grades, Olufemi often felt he was not really good at his studies and frequently has doubt about his abilities. In all, fair to say he has low self-esteem, and will usually blame himself for any and everything that goes wrong.
Now, as it turns out, Olufemi had a baby brother who died when they were in primary school. They were both playing in the compound when the baby sister jumped from a height and died after hitting his head on the floor. Since then, Olufemi believed that he was careless and responsible for his sister’s death. He has been feeling guilty about everything ever since, despite his parents encouraging and supporting him all the time. At this point, you can probably tell that this feeling of guilt is wrong and it was affecting Olufemi’s life and functioning.
As such, when powerful and negative emotions hold us ransom, as in the case of Olufemi above, how do we break free? How should we handle negative emotions? While it may appear fairly straight forward, especially when it affects others, it is quite common that you and I may have strong feelings about various situations and circumstances in our life that makes us uncomfortable and we usually just try to suppress them or we react negatively through anger. It takes some honest thinking to identify what emotions are holding us back or weighing us down in our day to day lives.
As such, it is imperative that we remember that human emotions are very powerful influences on our behavior. Experiencing strong emotions may push us to take actions we would not have ordinarily taken; or they may compel us to avoid situations or persons which generate such strong emotions. Now, negative emotions usually make us uncomfortable by affecting us in some of the following ways:
1. Dignity and self-respect: Such as when we feel ashamed, embarrassed, criticized, ridiculed, insulted, humiliated, unappreciated etc.
2. Personal safety is threatened: Such as when we are attacked, afraid, insecure, intimidated, abused or violated etc.
3. Integrity and Truth: Such as being falsely accused, judged, stereotyped, blamed, cheated, misled, wrongly punished, lied to, etc.
The first step in handling of negative emotions is to pause and ask ourselves some questions: Why am I so angry and worked up? What exactly is making me feel so humiliated? Why do I feel disrespected because he criticized my work? Why do I feel so badly cheated? In the answers to these questions, lie the seed of examining, accepting and learning from our negative emotions.
Anger, for example, is often a consequence of fear or feeling threatened. The threat may be to our self-respect, ego or our physical safety. So firstly, we experience fear or a threat, and then our anger erupts to protect us from the threat or fear. Or we nay feel powerless and become angry to help us re-assert control and influence. Therefore, the questions to ask here are “why am I upset and angry?”, “In what way do I feel threatened by what has happened?” Thus, when we become angry, and we pause for a minute to consider the root causes of our emotional reaction (anger), we will learn a lot more about our insecurities and the situations that makes us afraid and uncomfortable. This understanding helps us to stay in control of our emotions instead of erupting in anger, and we can then calmly consider the various options to handle the situation.
Feeling of guilt also follows the same pattern. It stems from internal criticism of self, where you think you have done something (or should have done something) that is against your personal conscience. As such, the questions to consider is whether or not the standards of your conscience are reasonable or not. Secondly, if we acknowledge that we have wronged another person, admitting and apologizing will also help to lift the feelings of guilt – regardless if whether or not the person accepted the apology.
Similarly, if you are afraid of failure, work hard to achieve success. Afraid of being left alone with no friends or family in the long run? Then learn to appreciate your loved ones, pay them compliments and don’t always insist that things must always go your way – i.e. make compromises. Learn to live and let live.
In closing, remember that navigating negative emotions is an ongoing journey, one in which you are never alone. As you continue to explore the depths of your emotional landscape, know that seeking help and support is a sign of strength, not weakness. Embrace self-compassion, practice mindfulness, and reach out to your support network when needed. Together, we can transform the way we experience and respond to negative emotions, fostering resilience and emotional well-being. Let's journey forward with open hearts, knowing that each day brings an opportunity for growth, healing, and a brighter mental horizon. Until our next newsletter, may you find peace in the midst of life's emotional back-and-forth. Take care, be kind to yourself, and remember, you've got this.
Note: Two members of our community are part of the United Nations Millennium Fellowship Class of 2023. As part of their social impact projects, the initiative would be hosting a couple of activities in the coming weeks. Now, per the regular schedule, we show up in your mail inboxes once every month (on the fourth day of the month). However, owing to these events, a mail from Salim from The Bell beckons sooner than you’d normally expect.
Also, this newsletter is an edited excerpt from the book, Optimal Mental Health: An Everyday Guide by Dr. Jibril AbdulMalik who lectures with the Department of Psychiatry, College of Medicine, University of Ibadan.
I enjoyed every bit of this. Thank you!